oneonta one more time

sunday i went through a lot of internal turmoil about whether to stay with the community in oneonta a little longer, go to visit their community in ithaca, or head on more directly towards the home of Joseph Jenkins in western PA. once again this struggle! it seemed worse than ever this time.
when i used the computer in the morning to look into possibilities for rideshare and places to stay for a night on my way to PA it didn't look promising. the response i got quickly from joseph jenkins was that it was no problem if i showed up a day or two later than i'd proposed. that was a relief, but i decided i would still try to get there by the 6th.
i spent a couple hours on the computer there in the tiny deli office while everyone else there was preparing to open for the week. i had intended to help but then got caught up in my travel research. i felt so selfish. by the time i was done on the computer it was past noon and the deli had opened. there were people scattered around at tables and the feeling was very warm with good spirit of life. the activity of serving these customers good food and drink, and the fruit of the spirit, had begun. outside some rain had passed through, and it was still overcast.

the turmoil came to it's most intense while i was packing and getting ready to go. there was a guy named andrew around and i was able to talk to him about what i was thinking and feeling. through our interaction i came to a revelation. this was that the problems i want to solve in my community, and in the world, can't be solved until we learn to love each other and come together in real community, as the twelve tribes are doing. yet i was choosing to leave them once again. if i can't surrender to this way of life, how can i expect others to? this was causing me a lot of grief as i continued to get ready to go.
i had one false start, when i decided i'd better eat some lunch at the house before i get out there to try my luck at hitch-biking. i sat with andrew and ate leftovers. my stomach was uneasy from the emotional turmoil.

one more time to the deli to say farewell to folks there. shortly after i entered and sat down at the bar i overheard "seattle" spoken by the folks sitting next to me. i mentioned i am from seattle. we proceeded to connect in conversation for the next half hour. the man lives about twenty miles from oneonta on a medium-sized piece of land with a lot of forest. his daughter, maybe about my age, was visiting him. the man is interested in permaculture! i proposed that he might take advantage of the resource of food scraps that the deli and twelve tribes house accumulate, which is currently being sent to the landfill. neither party seemed very receptive to the idea, so i didn't push it. meeting these folks was really great for me. another confirmation that i was on the right track.

i got a piece of cardboard and went out to the entrance to the interstate to see if this was going to happen. i spent perhaps an hour there, not feeling very optimistic, and finally my heart was turned back to staying in oneonta for another night. once this happened i felt a lot better. as i began to load my bicycle up again a woman yelled from her car, "i'd pick you up if i wasn't on my way to work!" she was really nice, and i imagined that maybe she had caught the vibration as it had shifted in me from denying to embracing my heart's wish. hmmmm.

i went back to the house, where andrew was working on scraping the side of the house to prepare it for painting. these people always seem to be working on restoring the grand, old houses they live in. i offered to help, as i was eager to return some of their generosity. after scraping a little i took a little rest. all that internal struggle was tiring! then it was time for the evening gathering. so good to be in that circle again. and while we offered up our thanks and prayers there was a heavy downpour of rain! we were in awe. it let up by the time we came out of the circle, and we all went outside to enjoy the feeling of freshness the rain had brought.
after having dinner i went down to the deli to help out for a couple hours. it was great being part of the kitchen team. i did some cleaning chores, sliced and buttered bread, and helped measure out portions of frozen fruit for smoothies. participating in this work helped me to get an idea of how it might be to live and work with this community. there are certainly challenges to overcome, but this is how we grow together. i felt a lot of love in the presence of these people. we talked a lot about spiritual topics.